Let me introduce you to the highly developed world of ‘The Scorpion King’; some guy is sent to kill some girl but is double-crossed by someone. The Rock kills everyone and their mother. There has been more suspense in a fart.
This leaves you no room to compliment its plot. But, maybe you could squeeze one in about the acting? Forget it. If anything this film is meant to make you feel pity; pity for the mother of the director that had the impossible task of approving of it in some way.
This leaves you no room to compliment its plot. But, maybe you could squeeze one in about the acting? Forget it. If anything this film is meant to make you feel pity; pity for the mother of the director that had the impossible task of approving of it in some way.
 |
| "Well uh, the- the sand looks... authentic...? |
Yes, this is a bad film. The first step is admitting it, the next step is taking the piss out of its ridiculousness which, it turns out, lasts for the entirety of the film.
Ridiculous it may be, but it’s also ridiculously manly: so much so they needed to hire a trained wrestler as the main character and right from the beginning the film promises you something, not literally but it is indeed intended: “I solemnly declare that I, ‘The Scorpion King’ will not show a scene if it does not have boobies and/or muscles wiggling around.”
Of course this philosophy will not drive an Oscar winning picture; in fact it motivates countless flaws and clichés and makes it seem more like an extended introduction theme for The Rock. And although the film fails in more ways than the average bad film (you could call it fail-diversity) it does succeed as an effective ‘how to’ stunt guide and although it desperately tries to cover itself in props and accents and pretend to be a film, the most sophisticated thought you can take away from it is: ‘she were good, that naked Asian bird.’
No comments:
Post a Comment